- What am I doing with my life?
- Is it ok to drink before work? …..no? ok.
- Really, what am I doing with my life?
- Another wedding?
- Another pregnancy?
- Did my GPA even count?
- Grad school costs how much?
- Did I even learn things in college?
- Why is my face/body starting to look…. different?
- Why am I so old?
- Why am I so young?
- IS THAT A GREY HAIR?!… oh. no its not. phew.
- Why is waking up so hard?
- I have to be at work when?
- Why am I up before the sun?
- Why must I continue studying for tests after I have already graduated?
- How old am I, again? I forgot..
- Wheres my phone.. purse.. shoes..
- Why am I starting to lose everything?
- Where is my butler/maid? Wait, I don’t have one?
- I have to get stuff fixed on my own? Not by my parents…?
- She/he is graduating from high school already?!?!
- Where did the time go?
- Why was I not prepared for work life in college? Isn’t that the point..?
- Taxes? huh.
- Why is my hangover a week long?
- How can I do the least amount of work to make the most money?
- How could i stay up till 5 am in college and only till like 9 now?
- What is my purpose..? *midlife crisis*
- Where do I live now?
- Houses cost how much? Ok, I’ll live in a box.
- Why does my back hurt?
- Why can’t I run 5 miles like I used to?
- Why do I get sick off of like 2 beers?
- Why did I major in that…….?
- When is the appropriate time to start using age defying stuff?
- What are vitamins? They are chewable?! OK!
- What did I do all my life?
- What are my hobbies?
- How much longer till I’m not broke?
- Healthy food costs what?
- Wait, I have to work on the holidays?
- What do I do now?
- Why am I suddenly drawn to Dr. Phil?
- There’s no Spring Break in the real world..?
- When am I supposed to get tan then?
- Rent is how much? ha.
- Gas is how much? ha.
- What does it actually mean to ‘feel 22’? I’m looking at you t-swift.
- There are new slang terms that I don’t know about?
- Am I still cool?
- Wait, my siblings are how old?
- I get paid how much?!?! ..but I have a degree….
- I have to wear a suit…? Yoga pants won’t work?
- But, isn’t a college degree supposed to help me find a job….?
- Excuse me, where are the Red Bulls?
- I gained how much weight this weekend?
- Wait, my coworkers don’t actually all go to happy hour together?
- Why? just. Why.
- You have a whole dresser full of T shirts. Not a drawer. A dresser.
- Your ‘rush talk’ skills are now being used on your coworkers. “So, where are you from? What was your major? Seriously?! That was mine too!!!” ……. oh duh.
- You have unrealistic expectations for Spring Break.
- You text at least one of your sorority sisters every day.
- You still buy things that remind you of your sorority.. totally just bought some delta shaped earrings.
- Your computer is shutting down due to the millions of pictures you have on it. Yet, you can’t bring yourself to delete any of them.
- You workout in your sorority tank tops.
- And go to the beach in them… and the store….
- You have about 30 options for places to stay when you go visit your college town.
- Rush songs still haunt you.
- You go through old sorority pictures at least once a month.
- The amount of engagement/wedding/baby pictures you see on social media.
- You still donate to your sorority’s philanthropy.
- Some of your phone contacts still have little sorority related emojis by them.
- You have started obsessing about your siblings/friends’ siblings going through recruitment.
- You don’t have 100 closets you can go through; therefore, you have no clothes.
- You still add the new pledge class girls on social media, even though you will probably never meet them…
- You still use your sorority printed lily tote.
- Your parents still buy you sorority things… My dad threw a stuffed dolphin to me during Mardi Gras. I may or may not sleep with it.
- “Oh, you went to *insert college*?! Were you in a sorority/fraternity?!?”
- You have started writing recommendations for recruitment.
- You have about 5 pictures on Facebook from post college and about 80809089789289739 pictures on Facebook from college.
- Your ‘Throw Back Thursday’ always has to deal with your sisters.
- You have no idea what to do with your sorority paddle.
- You can’t keep up with where everyone is living/going to school anymore.
- You jump all over a crafting opportunity.. “Does anyone want to volunteer to make a ‘blank blank’ for ‘whatever'”- MEEEEEE ME…… me.
- You get way too excited aboutthemed parties.
- You still have a costume for pretty much any theme in your closet. You swear you’ll use it again.
- You still have a resume that has ‘Social sorority -blank- chair’ on it.
- Staff meetings will never compare to chapter.
- Wait, there aren’t formals every season in the real world? I quit.
- “So what were you involved in during college?” Uhm. my sorority. That should count for about 50000 things.
- You are totally jealous of those younger pledge class girls that you randomly follow on social media…..
- You realize that you truly did find your future bridesmaids.
- College was truly the best time of your life and you miss your sisters so much that you can barely stand it.
I know I know I know, I have been totally MIA. I am sorry!!! First off, I have been dealing with this freak accident mess that I am about to explain. Second, uhhh I have been having a major brain fart and in a funk and totally lost my wit. If anyone finds it, I’d like it back. See? That wasn’t funny. Anyway, I want to explain to you guys how insanely random and crazy my life is. Like, as a friend of mine said today, my life is an utter mess. This ‘mess’ is referring to my medical history. My life is like a Final Destination except I obviously don’t die. And, also, the injuries aren’t so bad, just weird and painful and just really really really odd. So. Here is the story of my like 835th odd accident.
About a year ago is when this mess started. I was walking home from a party in my college town. It was spring and I had these really cute flip flops on. We were walking over a wooden bridge, and out of no where I felt this horrible pain in my foot. I literally fell to the ground. I looked back and saw that I had walked into a plank of wood that was sticking up from the bridge. I had about 1890729038 splinters in between my toes, and they were huge. Like, picture a tree stuck in between my toes. Thankfully, I had the best roommates ever who preformed surgery on me and got all of the wood that was sticking out of my foot “out”.
Flash forward to a month ago ish. All of a sudden, I got this weird lump on my toe (at the same exact spot of the earlier incident). It got larger and larger and more and more painful. It even got to the point where I couldn’t put on shoes or walk. So, cue my trip to an urgent care, where they decided to cut the lump open to ‘drain’ it. I should have warned yall about how disgusting this story is……. I apologize. Anyway, after three doctors, and two rounds of antibiotics this sucker is still huge and painful. Thankfully, my step father is a doctor and knows a ton of doctors. Soooo yesterday I went to an actual foot doctor (three weeks after this thing started). To my surprise, this doctor was like “uhhhh ok, I say we cut that crap open. I’m free today”. Maybe those weren’t the exact words but whatever. So I am sitting there, like…. uh ‘cut’ as in….?
A few hours later, I am hooked up to an IV, in a surgery waiting room with a completely numb foot and watching How I Met Your Mother. Like I had my own TV, it was awesome. So, because I had stopped at a gas station at 8 am and gotten candy corn (it was on sale come on), and it was now 1230, I couldn’t be put under. So I was fully awake cause meds don’t affect me and the meds that were supposed to ‘knock me out’ definitely didn’t. They wheeled me into the surgery room, and put a curtain up so I couldn’t see what was going on. About half way through, everyone in the room started laughing and I was like… uh. Ok. Seconds later, the doctor walked around the curtain and showed me a flipping stick that they had pulled out of my little baby toe. THIS IS REAL LIFE. So, I had a piece of wood in my toe for a WHOLE YEAR. Finally it is out, and thankfully they gave it to me as a souvenir.
After all that, I am left with a piece of wood on my mantel, pain meds, a couch, wine, two stitches, and a blank blog (guyz I am sorry!!). So there’s my story, AHAHAHA my life. Maybe, if ya’ll like this story, I will post my other insane injuries (I have way way way worse ones. One involving a broken jaw. So. yea)
I sorry I have been gone but at least I have an injury to somewhat blame it on. And I promise I am thinking of more posts. Yet again, if anyone has seen my wit, plz let me no. 😉
Moral: don’t wear flip flops on wooden bridges in the dark. byeeee
PS: those cute flip flops did not make it through the incident. RIP.
- There is a whole new currency….. beads. And I can get those easier than cash so I am happy.
- Girls get thrown more stuff 😉 yay for my gender. Maybe due to the above picture……..
- It is literally encouraged to day drink.
- Fancy dresssseeesss. And in a fancy dress I can atleast pretend I fulfilled my life goal of becoming a princess.
- Open container laws. Like I brought a six pack into a pita pit last year.
- Have ya’ll seen the dancers in those parades?!!? They get after it.
- For once people actually want to come visit southern Alabama…………… *cough cough* my college friends.
- STUFFED ANIMALS. I got thrown a Pink puppy on Friday. She’s my new pet.
- Mardi gras balls are like a high school reunion.
- When you get hit in the face with a wad of beads, it doesn’t hurt as bad because mardi gras=alcohol.
- Mardi gras=alcohol.
- It is literally an excuse to get off of work.
- You don’t really have to dress super cute to a parade cause the beads will cover up your outfit anyway.
- You get to see older people get rooooowdy. That stuff is gold.
- If you go to NOLA you can see drunk ladies get a little inappropriate (don’t understand? them+booze=-shirt).
- Then they usually get arrested and that is some grade A entertainment.
- It is the only holiday that is almost fully centered around alcohol. All of the others we are just drinking to cover up our awkward family moments….
- MOBILE CREATED IT. WOOOO GO MOBILE.
- You can get thrown candy. That right there is the only number I needed to put on this list honestly.
- Moonpies. Like a handheld s’more…. Yea, I know right?
I HATE HATE hAtE HaTe the cold. I can not even express to you my hatred for cold. I truly believe hell isn’t a fire pit… it’s an ice pit. OMG picture that, hell being an ice bath. OH NONONO. Winter and I are like the joker and spiderman. Winter hates me. I hate winter. I believe it is a mutual hatred. Anyway here are some reasons for said hatred.
- It comes at the worst time… right when I start to get comfortable in my bikini..
- You become casper color. So when you tell someone you’re italian, they don’t believe you.
- You have to wear SO MANY LAYERS.
- And then. this may be the worst of all. Then you go inside a building and you have to peal off ALL OF THOSE LAYERS. Cause its a saunaaaa!!!!
- It is seriously hard to text in mittens.
- You work your booty off to get in shape for summer and then you have to cover up all that hard work.
- And thennnn, you eat way too much broccoli cheese soup and sit on the couch and gain a thousand pounds.
- THEN THEN THEN you realize it’ll be warm soon and you have to work triple as hard as last year, but its way too cold to go on runs!!!!
- Can you tell I am frustrated with this season?
- Oh, and snow. People forget this, but every single year the same thing happens. It snows, everyone is so happy, they bundle up to go play in it, and then realize 2 minutes in that snow=cold and cold=not fun.
- And snow gets EVERYWHERE.
- You know how people can not drive in rain. Like, they are incapable of it. Snow is 2638947740984903x worse.
- Ice is evil and sits there hiding until you walk onto it and then it laughs when you fall. Rude.
- Getting out of the shower is the single worst thing. Like ever. 100 degrees to -100 degrees is NOT a good time.
- This may be just me but…. I get so happy that my hair won’t be frizzy anymore but then remember that my hair just gets static-y and flat. Not cute.
- You can’t wear dresses unless you are prepared to get frostbite. Double not cute.
- I am 60% more likely to blow off every thing I am responsible of to just sit on the couch. Then I get fired or run out of food. Not good.
- Your pet dogs don’t wanna go outside so they pee everywhere and want to sleep with you. Which is cute… till they wake you up at 5 am.
- I can’t blame wanting ice cream on the heat….
- Finally, you can’t wear white. and white makes me look most tan, which I definitely need during winter!!!! Who planned this….
Just was walking down the hallway at work (my last night of work actually! que emotional rollercoaster) and heard a patient singing this……
“Are you gunna stayy the niiight? Yes, I have to sstayyy the niiight. Oh oh Oh ooh Oh ooooh its court mandated.”
You are welcome. I don’t know about you, but that lyric just completed my life.
RIP my current job. Anndddd here comes my emotional venting…..
It was the first job I had that actually was within my field of study. The job that showed me that, yes, I am in the right field. The job that showed me how gratifying helping a struggling person can be. It taught me that people make mistakes, and some make a million, but there is always hope. Hope for a better future. Hope for more love, more self control, more memories. It showed me that people will dissappoint, and sometimes break your heart, but others will prosper and flourish. And, those others will teach you the meaning of true hope. People can be mean. People get angry. People can be rude and hurtful. People can fight and bicker. But, people are simply that: people. We aren’t always perfect, and that isn’t a bad thing. Of course, humans want to always improve, especially in this society. The only way to love others and lose that heavy exterior though, is to first love yourself and second to forgive. This job taught me that judgement is just as bad as a nasty statement. This job made me realize that people are broken, but can always be fixed. In no way does ‘fixed’ mean ‘perfect’, though. This job showed me a lot of things, and I am sure my next job will show me even more.
Most importantly, this job made me realize this field is like a bad boy boyfriend. You can’t help but always go back even though it stands you up on date nights, and is completely impassive and emotionally draining…. This field is a tough one. Not every one can take it. But passion, forgiveness, patience, and, most importantly, love, can make that bad boy horrible boyfriend into a prince charming. I love this field, and I am excited to see where it will take me and what I will learn along the way.
- What. The. How? How do they..?
- I can’t even do that on the ground.
- I can’t even do that on a trampoline.
- I CAN”T EVEN ROLLERBLADE.
- I wonder if that guy is gay. or straight? I don’t care, I just wonder..
- He just threw her. Like in the air. While skating.
- YEA well. I took skating lessons when I was young too!!!
- I’ll never be that cool.
- I wonder how many times those lifts got reeeeal awkward. Like an inch to the left and you got trouble.
- You could literally never make your male partner mad. Or you’ll be eating ice.
- Speaking of eating. I don’t even want to know their diets.
- Ok say you have to pick between going to the olympics and eating junk food every weekend….
- Food. No doubt.
- OUCH! WOAH THAT MUST HAVE HURT. its always the girls that fall.
- Our gender needs to step it up.
- Drink every time someone falls. Or lands perfectly. So drink constantly.
- *pokes belly*
- Forget the skating and tricks. I couldn’t even wear that outfit for goodness sake.
- I just want to see a girl throw a guy. Just once.
- And also, I think I would like this sport even more if they could skate to some rap/hip hop.
- Just imagine!!! like, “I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE” with some salchows, and triple salchows, and puppy chows
- Also, it would be great if the announcers could just make ice skating puns the whole time.
- Like “This is Amy and Ben. They became partners when they met at blah blah and broke the ice…..”
- WHAT AN ICE DAY IT IS FOR SOME FIGURE SKATING.
- What a beautiful landing! That jump wa’snow problem for them.
- Freeze-us that was a great performance!
- Ok I am done. I prom-ICE. Ok, really. good bye.
- I always picture ‘Blades of Glory’ when I watch this sport. And simultaneously get scared of the ‘Iron Lotus’.
- If you haven’t seen it… Blades of Glory (10/10) Movie CLIP – The Iron Lotus (2007) HD
- Ok, I need a drink refill. And to stop watching this so I quit thinking I can actually become a figure skater….
- Have you seen the prices on anything organic??
- Healthy options are like the minority to unhealthy options.
- Cooking chicken takes 800000x longer than mac n’ cheese.
- Chicken doesn’t taste like mac n’ cheese.
- Neither does fish.
- Healthy foods don’t cure a hangover.
- White bread is 10x better than wheat.
- Alcohol isn’t healthy…
- Unhealthy food lasts longer than healthy. Like at the end of the month I only have ice cream….. oops
- There’s usually like a handful of healthy options at my favorite restaurants.
- There’s a 9 out of 10 chance I won’t order one of those.
- I am totally sick of chicken and broccoli.
- Broccoli gets stuck in your teeth!!
- Well…. so do oreos. Dang it, omit number 13.
- 99% of the time, I am still hungry after a healthy meal.
- My belly is a fatty and reallllly likes sweets. (it’s not me. it’s my belly. I can’t help it I swear)
- Cheese (in the amounts I prefer) isn’t healthy.
- Taco bell.
- ICE CREAM.
- GiGi’s cupcakes.
- Ramen noodles cost like nothing.
- Pizza is like really really really really good.
- The constant battle of YOLO verse YOFITJO (you’ll only fit into those jeans once)
- Veggies, fish, and chicken all have to be refrigerated. Cookies don’t.
- Oranges are like really hard to peel.
- And I am terrified of biting into apples because like what if it isn’t crisp!! Mushy apples are gross.
- Well, nuts are healthy and good… but they go so well with M&M’s……
- And cherries are so much better in a pie.
- Great, now I want pie.
- Basically, it is kind of technically easy to eat healthy. Buy healthy food. Eat said food. Just… it isn’t appealing at all. My heart doesn’t like it. My heart is filled of candy corn, GiGi’s and Taco bell. FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
- *goes to get taco bell, and gigi’s. candy corn isn’t in season 😦
1. *tells joke*
“haha addicts are funny, huh?”
2. *as I am leaving work for the weekend*
“Don’t party too hard.. You don’t want to end up in here!”
3. “I want the Serenity Prayer tattooed on me… But as a tramp stamp.”
4. ” ‘Keep coming back’ as a tramp stamp.”
5. “If you were drinking a beer, and, half way through, you decided you didn’t want to drink it anymore, would you?”
My reply, “No, I would throw it out.”
“I would still finish it.”
6. “I heard that the more pizza you eat, the better your sex life.”
7. “Wow you must love your job…” yes. yes i do.
8. “Anytime I see anything long with a circle shape at the end, I think its a…… well, you know.”
9. “Oh shat, I chipped my nail polish! Ah well I guess thats the ‘rehab look'”.
10. *while waiting in line for medication*
“Just think! If we were in the real world right now, I’d take a selfie, post it on insta, and caption it ‘#medline’.”
11. “This one time I wanted some ice cream, but the maker in the lobby was covered with a sheet. I asked one of the ladies if it was broken and she said ‘there was an incident’. Apparently someone shot the ice cream maker.”
12. “You should probably let your car warm up before you leave… I’ll crank it for ya if you want!!”
13. “Coffee is now my crack… Which is funny cause crack used to be my crack.”
14. Patient: “Are you a recovering addict?”
Me: *thinking: debatable…* nah.
Patient: “Well that’s boring” *walks away.
15: “What do y’all do for fun if its not smoking or drinking?”
16. “Can I use your phone? I just need to make my status ‘brb in rehab'”
In honor of only having 2 shifts left at my current job, I figured I should post the best quotes I heard at the wonderful 9 months of working at a drug and alcohol rehab. Yes, most of these are funny, but there was a lot of emotion between me and my patients as well. Helping them when they were triggered, seeing them come in a mess and leave a normal ‘non addict or alcoholic’ kind of mess, seeing the emotions coming from them during certain therapies or sessions. I loved every minute of helping them. I pray every day that every one of my patients are doing fine now: living a healthy, normal, yet sometimes dramatic life.
01:00 So. This is fun. I feel good, I can do this.
02:00 This is NOT fun WHY am I doing this?!
02:30 There is no possible way that I can actually keep this up.
03:00 Maybe I just need to be distracted… music!
03:20 No, No, No, Too slow, Too dupstep-y, Too old. OH YA SOME YONCE.
04:00 suuuuurfboard. suuuuuurfboard.
04:30 What. what is that pain. Oh god, no. I’ve been shot! I’ve been shot, I just know it.
05:00 Ok ok, cramp gone………….. Stop watching the clock!!!!!!
05:10 How about I just cover the time with my towel, that’ll help!
06:00 If I get rich enough, can I pay someone to do this for me?It doesn’t work like that, does it….?
06:30 So I probably covered the time about 5 minutes ago, right? Maybe I’ll just take a peak….
06:31 ONLY A MINUTE AND A HALF. THAT FELT LIKE AN HOUR.
07:00 I wonder what sick person invented the treadmill. Or running. Who would ever create such a dark thing.
07:30 I bet I look so stupid running. Oh, look a mirror! Yep, definitely look stupid.
08:00 Hair, can you just get your shat together and not fall in my face.
09:00 Look, I lasted almost 10 minutes! I. Am. Beyonce.
09:30 CRAMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Oh god, have mercy!
10:00 I’m about to pass out, I’m yelling tiiiiimber.
11:00 Really, you HAD to pick the treadmill right next to me. Now I feel like we are on a running date. Awkward..
11:45 You are staring at the time again, Taylor. How about turning on the TV. That sounds distracting! Cover the time!
12:00 Food Network. This could be like motivation! Good choice.
12:30 Bad choice, bad choice!!! Turn it off!! I can’t handle seeing cake right now!!
13:00 Spring break. Spring break. Spring bake. Spring cupcakes. NO!
14:00 Ok, I covered my time when this song came on, and now its over. I must be around 16:00.
14:01 14:01! Songs have got to stop being so short. Like where’s freebird on this IPhone.
15:00 Only. five. more. minutes. I can do this. I am Beyonce. I got this.
16:00 Don’t got this! CRAMP! My knee! My lungs! I’m dying. Death by running.
16:30 I wonder how far I could run if a zombie was behind me?
16:45 But like, zombies are real slow. Why doesn’t everyone just keep running from them in the movies?
17:00 Three minutes! Just pretend you’re dancing at the prom with your crush and you can’t stop till the song is over.
18:00 I can’t…… My lungs. I’m *weeze* Dying *weeve* Tell my mom *cough* I love her….
19:00 Wow, I actually am alive? I actually did it? I AM INVINCIBLE. I can run for 30 more minutes!!!
19:30 Ok, I’m done. Lets go get some taco bell. *hits STOP* *goes and gets crunch wrap supreme*